Birthday Gifts - A Hetastuck GamzeeRussia Lemon
by Pineapple Circus
Summary: Ivan is celebrating his birthday alone that year... Or so he thinks. A certain alien juggalo pays him a visit. Involves drinkplay, tentabulges, and Uke!Russia. If you don't like, don't read. Rated M for rather obvious reasons.


Snow fell heavily, blanketing the already frozen ground in a soft, white, cottony sheet. As Ivan sighed in a rather melancholic manner, his warm breath crystallized on the windowpane he was silently gazing out of. The light outside was slowly fading, the sun tinting the fresh powder an assortment of beautiful shades of orange and pink as it set behind the tall pines. It would have been breathtaking, if this had been a happier occasion.

That day had actually been the young Russian's birthday. What made the occasion so dismal was the fact that no one seemed to care or even remember; not a single call, card, text, or email had been received all day. Ivan was lonely, and admittedly quite a bit unhappy with this situation. He plodded across the floor and flopped in his leather armchair lazily, absent-mindedly watching little flames flicker in his fireplace.

After a few minutes, a rather annoying itch formed in Ivan's lower area. Furrowing his brows slightly, he reached down to scratch it briefly before withdrawing. To his surprise—Ivan never really even thought about his lower areas much-he found himself enjoying that a little more than he probably should have. Blinking, he slowly put his hand back down his boxers, lightly rubbing the skin inside. This cause a quiet moan to escape through only slightly parted lips. He didn't even notice the doorbell being rung. Hmm, maybe this birthday didn't have to be all bad…

Meanwhile, quivering in the biting cold and clutching a greenish looking pie and a bottle of red fizzy liquid, a figure stood at Ivan's front door. This figure was clad in so many layers of jackets, coats, scarves, and hats of various patterns and textures that it didn't even look human; more like a walking laundry heap. In fact, it wasn't human, as could be easily guessed by the long, curvy, candy corn horns poking out from under the tip of the heap.

Gamzee, for that was the name that belonged to this heap, had been standing there for a good five or so minutes by that point, and was beginning to wonder two things: one, whether his Russian friend was home, and two, whether all of Earth was this cold.

Since the doorbell obviously hadn't work, he decided to knock, which he promptly did. After a few moments of silence, Gamzee peeked in through the glass in the door. The lights inside were on, but he couldn't see anyone. A rather disturbing thought began to worm its way into the troll's mind (which was somewhat lethargic since he was in a sort of high state at the moment): what if there had been foul play? He could feel the rage smoldering and building up inside him already. If anyone had dared to hurt Ivan, there would be hell to pay. The young troll was quite skilled with juggling clubs, in more ways than one.

Okay, that was it. He had to find out what was going on here and why the door wasn't being answered. Gamzee wasted no time in trying the door handle, which, to his surprise, wasn't locked and swung open easily with a light push. Shaking some snow off of himself in the hallway—Ivan's house was enormous—he shed his layers, put down his Faygo and pie (which he had brought to substitute for birthday cake), and began poking around, looking for signs of life. And before long, he found them.

It was pretty easy to hear the moaning, even from the hallway. Gamzee's first thought was, _Oh shit. Bitch ass motherfuckers done screwed up my fuckin' bae. Imma fuckin' cull a bitch; they better watch they sorry asses like ninjas if'n they wanna have any chance of survivin'. Why didn't I think to bring my motherfuckin' clubs… _Needless to say, Gamzee was furious. You can imagine his surprise when he burst into the living room, not to find an injured Russian, but a masturbating one.

Standing in the archway, Gamzee watched and listened silently. Apparently Ivan hadn't heard him enter; he was still going at it. The Russian's brow was damp from the both the activity and the fire, and his soft groans and grunts yet hung in the air. Gamzee's thin, dark grey lips twisted into a slow, wide grin, displaying many of his shark-like teeth, and he let out a low chuckle as he circled around to the front of the chair in a dawdling, sauntering manner. "Hey, best friend." He rasped, kneeling in front of Ivan and rather enjoying the look of horror that ensued.

"I, ah-" Ivan gasped, amethyst-hued, glassy eyes widening a little as he hurriedly removed his hands from his boxers. "How long have you been here?"

"Oh…" Gamzee tapped his chin with one bony, yellow-nailed finger, taking his good old time in replying—the troll's fingernails were made of the same stuff his horns were—"Long enough. Heh. Happy motherfuckin' wrigglin' day, homie. I brought some shit for ya, but it looks like y'all up and got yer own entertainment." He said with a chuckle, not bothering to mention that his tentabulge was currently a bit worked up from witnessing the masturbation, and it was writhing rather uncomfortably. Oh well.

"Nyet, nyet! Ah—I'm sorry," Ivan said, hopping up. "It's ok, spasibo bol'she! I'm glad you remembered! What did you bring me?" He inquired eagerly like a small child.

Gamzee shook his head with a smile. "Haaah, I thought'cha might up and want 'em still. Well, I got some pie, and some motherfuckin' sweet wicked elixir. Grab yo' dick and hold up a sec while I go get 'em." Ivan blushed slightly, but didn't object. Gamzee shot him a wink, and with that, he disappeared back into the hallway.

After a moment, he returned. Setting the food down on an end table next to them, Gamzee knelt in front of the Russian again with another grin. "Well now, this's it. Sorry if it ain't a motherfuckin' carnie ride or some shit…" He said with a slight chuckle before getting an idea and adding quietly, "But I can give ya that too…"

"Oh, it's ok. I-" Ivan tilted his head slightly to the left, not sure if he heard that last bit right. "Uhm, what?"

Gamzee's bloodshot, droopy eyes slowly looked up and studied Ivan's face. His grin widened. "Lemme put it like this: Roses are red, sopor is green, I wantchu in my bed if ya know what I mean." To emphasize this, he did an eyebrow waggle.

Ivan, who had never been all that good at reading innuendos, had no clue how to respond to that. "…In your bed? I thought trolls didn't use beds?"

Here, a facepalm commenced. "Alright, lemme just rephrase that: Roses are red. Cum is white. I have sopor and Faygo. Let's have freaky clown sex tonight. Honk honk, motherfucker." Needless to say, Gamzee was a little too good at poems.

The Russian's eyes widened. Yep, that was definitely much clearer. Sex…? If there was one thing Ivan Grigoriyevich Braginskiy never thought he'd be doing, it would have to be sex with a hermaphrodite alien juggalo. But it was tempting. Gamzee was undeniably sexy, for an alien juggalo at least, and Ivan was still turned on from the masturbation… He nodded enthusiastically. "Da. Da, let's."

That was all Gamzee needed to hear. He wasted no time in yanking down Ivan's sweatpants and boxers. The Russian shivered from the cold air's sudden contact with his exposed skin and he whimpered in anticipation, his still erect cock standing tall and proud. Its owner, less so. Ivan's face was already a beet colour; he was a virgin.

Gamzee smirked, slowly caressing Ivan's smooth, pale thighs. "You have no motherfuckin' clue how long I've waited for this..." he murmured huskily. "I finally get to make the big strong Russian my little bitch… Heh, heh. Heh. Imma honk you in more ways than one, motherfucker."

Biting his lower lip, Ivan squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his face heat up. "Ah… Uhm…"

Gamzee shook his head. "Shhhh…" He whispered, continuing to caress. "I don't wanna hear nothin' from you. Not yet. After the show gets underway you can make all the motherfuckin' noise you want, baby. Hell yeah, bring it. Just lemme savor the moment here…"

Ivan couldn't help but let out another quiet moan, and at that point, Gamzee decided he was done 'savoring the moment'. A wicked grin twisted at his dark grey lips, and he reached up to grab the bottle of Faygo he had sat on the end table, popping the lid off and listening to it hiss. "Aaahhh…" Gamzee loved to hear Faygo hiss. It was so satisfying. But not as satisfying as what was going to happen next.

A confused Ivan tilted his head in confusion as the troll lifted the soda to his mouth and took a mouthful. Even more confusing was when he didn't swallow it. "What are you-?"

Gamzee shook his head, and making sure not to lose any of the Faygo from his mouth, straightened up, leaned forward, and took Ivan's dick into his mouth.

The Russian saw stars in his eyes. The fizzy soda was tickling and dripping all over, spilling from the troll's mouth, down the member, and over his balls. It felt so different, so strange and foreign, so amazing. "Ohh, bozhe moy…" he managed to moan out, squirming about and gently pushing his hips forward. Along with the soda, he could feel Gamzee's long, slimy purple tongue on and around his member.

While this was going on, Gamzee's eyes fluttered and rolled back as he took as much into his mouth as he could at a time, which was quite a bit. He bobbed his head up and down, fondling the bits he couldn't get into his mouth with his hands. He was successfully deep-throating the other, without so much as a single choke. Whether the highblood was born to be a slut or if it was some unknown technique will never be known. He even bit at the member a bit in small but rather sharp bites. This emitted a somewhat pained but mostly pleasured squeak from Ivan.

As he mewled and squirmed in pleasure, Ivan didn't know what was even going on anymore. All he knew was that it felt amazing, and he didn't want it to end. However, unfortunately for him, Gamzee had other plans. Abruptly, he pulled off of Ivan's dick with an audible 'pop' noise. Ivan looked down in confusion and annoyance, and Gamzee simply grinned, reaching for the Faygo again.

As he removed his own overly baggy polka-dot pants, boxers, and Capricorn shirt, Gamzee took another mouthful of Faygo and straddled Ivan's lap, facing him. Squishing the Russian's cheeks, he rather roughly pulled him forward to share the Faygo through a sloppy kiss. Ivan didn't really enjoy the taste of the stuff (it was Redpop; Redpop always tastes like cough medicine to those who aren't used to it) but he was kissing back with fervor and enjoying himself quite a bit, and it really didn't taste all that bad. As the soda dribbled down both of their chins and stained their lips, Gamzee, who was grinning into the kiss, began to grind against Ivan, his long, purple appendage writhing wildly in excitement. The thing had a mind of its own; it flailed, twisted, dripped, and was having a grand time, just as its owner was.

As he pulled fractions of an inch away from the kiss, Gamzee, with a sly, lustful glance at Ivan, reached down and quickly grabbed his dick, squeezing it rather violently and playing with the tip. "Honk. Honk honk. Honk. Heheheh." With each 'honk', he squeezed it again, playing as if the poor Russian's dick was one of the bicycle horns he always had with him.

"A-AHhh, G-GamzEE-!" Ivan squeaked in embarrassment and pleasure, rather ashamed he was actually enjoying this as much as he was.

"Hokus pokus joker's ride," Gamzee murmured with a grin, still playing with Ivan's dick. "Come take a spin on a carnie ride. Heh. Can't keep down the clown, homie, the show must go on… Hey, best friend, should I hit your neden, or you wanna up and hit mine, ya dig?"

"N-Neden?" Ivan gasped out, rather confused.

Gamzee shook his head. "Nevermind, motherfucker. I'll just hit yours." With that, he withdrew from Ivan's lap, and pulled the Russian off the chair and into the floor with him, shoving the poor guy onto his knees with his rather plump ass in the air. Gamzee grinned widely. "Lookit that _**ASS**_ though. Hot motherfuckin' daaaayum, homie! Mmm…" With a rather idiotic look on his face, he patted Ivan's ass affectionately, then grabbing it and squeezing his buttocks as he had done to his dick. With each squeeze, Gamzee let out a loud 'honk'. "Honk. Honk. Honk honk, honk." He chuckled.

Ivan was, by this point, thoroughly humiliated. However, somehow, he had also never been so turned on in his life. His face was a scarlet soviet crimson as he looked up at the troll with pleading eyes.

Gamzee got the message. He was more than ready to take the other male and literally fuck him across the floor and up the wall. However, there was one last thing he needed to do first. He held up a bony finger to signal to wait a moment, and Ivan nodded, wriggling his hips impatiently.

Gamzee retrieved the bottle of Faygo and began to shake it violently. Eventually, he figured he had shook it enough, and he popped the lid off, spraying the red liquid everywhere, getting most of it on and around Ivan, who flailed, whined, and shivered a little at the contact.

Gamzee was ready then. He crawled back over to Ivan, and pulled his buttocks apart, revealing the opening. He leaned down and dumped the last of the Faygo in and around Ivan's asshole, then proceeded to lick it.

"AAahhH G-Gamzee-! Why-?!"

The troll shrugged with a smirk. "Well I gotta lube ya up, don't I? Heheheh. Honk."

Ivan didn't argue with this, only bit his lip, squeezed his eyes shut, and waited for what was going to come next.

As Gamzee positioned himself, his appendage writhed impatiently, squirming and prodding around at Ivan's entrance, just so ready to go. He slowly shoved it in.

Tears formed at the corners of Ivan's eyes, and he couldn't help but let out a loud groan. It just felt so whole, so strange, and yet so right somehow as it probed around inside him… It didn't take long for the special spot to be found, causing Ivan to yelp as it was brushed.

Gamzee grinned in satisfaction, gripping Ivan's thighs tightly to steady himself as he continued to push in. Ahh, it felt great. Once he was all the way in, he took a moment to stop and let Ivan get used to the feel of him. He was still worming around blindly, and it wasn't about to slow down. After a bit, Gamzee decided it would be alright to move.

He slowly thrust in, grey-skinned hips clicking against Ivan's ass in the most natural way known to troll or man. He slowly pulled out partially, then back in. Out, and in. Out, and in. Gamzee whispered a few sweet nothings and grunted in pleasure, being sure to hit that one spot. Each time he did this, it caused a small shriek to escape Ivan, who was also moaning softly, which hung in the air like smoke.

After a while of this, Gamzee's pace quickened a little. The Faygo, sugary sweet and sticky, still clung to both males' skin. "Aaahhh, Gamzee… G-Gamz-! Ahh-!"

"Hmm," was the growled reply. "Fuckin yeeeaah. Hell to the motherfuckin'…Yeeess. Ahh… Hahahah…" He chuckled, grunting. "Enjoyin' the… Ride, homie?"

"Da-!" Ivan squeaked out as his spot was hit again, and he felt a knot forming in his gut. "Da, da, more, Gamzee-! Please!"

This continued on for a while, all the while intensifying and pleasuring both parties. Eventually, Ivan came. No warning, just sudden, like Russian winter, mixing with the Faygo on the floor. "GAMZEE, AHHH-!"

"Shit, FUCK!" Gamzee gasped as he came with Ivan, the purple substance dripping and flowing with the white and red. Panting, he pulled out, and collapsed limply next to Ivan, pulling the Russian into his arms and nuzzling him.

"Guess we'll just have to up and eat the motherfuckin' pie later, huh?"


End file.
